Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Red Car

TFE asked if people could put poems on their blogs with the words RED and CAR in them. Here goes...

Red Car

...



And, on a lighter note (we don't live that far from the East coast of England),

Seaside

a tanka

When I want to go
to the seaside I drive to
Redcar. It's not far.
There's a good fish and chip shop...
In fact I think I'll go now.


Tanka: a Japanese form employing the syllable pattern 5-7-5-7-7.

23 comments:

John Hayes said...

Wonderful poems! Thanks.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Love the first one Dom, kept wanting to burst into 'Sweet Gene Vincent' by Ian Dury when I read it!

Second one is funny,Redcar, Har har!

Rachel Fox said...

I love the first one. My favourite of yours so far. Excellent.

As for Redcar...growing up it was our local seaside resort (nice ICI plant at the end of the beach too...). Spent many a grim day at Redcar's empty indoor amusement area...the glamour.

x

Rachel Fenton said...

Cold seaside - it's all a distant memory now, rahahahaha!

I like them both :)

Sorlil said...

'ochre joker' - love the sound of these words together, in fact I think I'll be saying them all day!!

the watercats said...

I really like these :-), especially the first one, "ochre joker" has such a hippy vibe to it man!.. *snaps fingers and walks like a beat-nik...
grooovyyy!

Poet in Residence said...

Almost uplifting, Dominic.

Poor Rachel though, Redcar sounds even worse than Blackpool. Is it really so grim? The only thing I know about Redcar is the name. I've seen it mentioned in the horse racing press.

kimber the wolfgrrrl said...

I love the second poem... it made me hunger for fish and chips on a rainy day. :)

And I think I'm up to your challenge. Thanks for placing it before me. It might just be the catalyst I need to get going again.

Lyn said...

Must concur..love the "ochre joker", brilliant.. really good poem!!

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for these comments, everybody!

Ochre joker has got me thinking - there could be a bizarre, surreal non-competitive card game in this... Or just a set of snap cards...

swiss said...

i like the first one and i want ot look ta it closer but redcar, for once in my life i can;t look past it! lol

patteran said...

Somehow there's a touch of Ian Dury and Rob Bryden respectively here. Both great.

Poetikat said...

Loved 'em both! Is there really a place called Redcar?

I really liked the simplicity and the pace of the first one.

The second was very fun. Very.

Kat

Karen said...

I love them both, too! You hooked me on the first with "Madder hat." How very clever!

I know it's not always popular, but I'm a fan of rhyme - done well, that is. This is.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, but PiR...we're nothing without a few grim childhood memories!

And Karen, rhyme is popular (pretty much always) - it has just not been fashionable in serious poetry circles for a while. But it's coming back...
x

Poet in Residence said...

Like Karen and Rachel, I'm somehing of a fan of rhyme too but mostly mid-line rhyme, internal rhyme, half-rhyme even mid-word rhyme or start of line rhyme and in the right context even end of line rhymes. But more important than rhymes is the music in the line, the sound.
Shakespeare's main speeches, the soliloquies, his most beautiful poetic creations rarely have end-rhymes. The rhymes are mostly saved for the minor characters. Perhaps the actors who played the minor parts were less accomplished; maybe they couldn't even read, perhaps they needed the rhymes so they could remember the text. Rhymes are certainly a memory aid.

Pure Fiction said...

I'm new to tfe's poetry bus, but I love the first one. And the second one made me laugh, which is always good.

willow said...

Love this first one. Had to read it out loud...twice. Fun!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Amazing Dom. You must read my poem which I have just put on this morning. I have only this minute come to your site and see how similar our thoughts have been - Redcar - Fish and chips - incredible - I am gobsmacked.

Titus said...

Yep, loved that first one, and like TFE and patteran have mentioned, it took me straight to "Sweet Gene Vincent".
And "Madder Hat" is a brilliant opening line.

Redcar. Oh dear. And not the poem, of course.

ArtSparker said...

Both of these have a lovely puckish feel.

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for these comments, everybody.

Gene Vincent (Ian Dury) keeps popping up. The sound of it kept popping into my head, too.

Niamh B said...

Very nice poems Dominic, the first is lovely, Ochre Joker does stand out - but the last stanza really makes sense too, with such short lines it's a great achievement!