Wednesday, 18 November 2009


Driving down
the motorway
the spray rises
from the wheels
like precious dust.
Sidelights shine
like rubies. This is
our nature, what
we are. It is
as amazing as
a beaver's house
or the intricate nest
of the Bower Bird.
It is also the case
that if we are to survive
we must change what we do.
We must not be
deceived by our
intelligence or our
into thinking
that we are what
we want to be
if in fact we're no more
than what we've become
or, to put it
another way,
into thinking
it will be easy.


The Weaver of Grass said...

I like this very much - I wish I had time to really think about it, but time is short tonight - so - here goes
I like the way the imagery of the tyres and side lights on the motorway suggest richness - as though the car and its ability to go fast are status symbols of our society (which they are of course) and I like the way you contrast this with the simple (though intricate) beauty of the weaver' snest etc. The whole thing suggests that we have lost the ability to enjoy the simple things in life - and yes - I like that.

Totalfeckineejit said...

Perhaps our best poem that I've read ,Dominic.I really like it.These bit really strikes a chord... First intoxicating...

'the spray rises
from the wheels
like precious dust.
Sidelights shine
like rubies. This is
our nature, what
we are.'

Then soberingly...

that we are what
we want to be
if in fact we're no more
than what we've become'

Did any of (who would ,ideally) chose 'this' ?


Totalfeckineejit said...

Apologos, drink taken. When I said 'our' naturally I meant 'your'... Doh!

Although , now I think about it.....

Dominic Rivron said...

WG: Pleased you enjoyed it. I wasn't thinking of the simple things in life particularly - more, the idea that we are less independent than we think we are, being products of our evolution and history.

TFE: Thank you for saying so!

Poet in Residence said...

Nice pair Dominic. The second, my favourite, is very much of a Stevens. The idea of the 'jackdaw shape' is a sublime and haunting metaphor.
In the fist poem, which as I said I also enjoyed, I'd be seriously tempted to add an extra closing line - to round it off as it were - something along the lines of - first leave a line gap - as in traffic- and then write: 'Almost a free ride.' or words to that effect.
I'm a beggar for trying to complete the circle. It's crazy I know.

Dominic Rivron said...

I like the free ride idea, thank you. I also like the deadpan ending. I'll mull it over.

Jackdaw is very much of a Stevens, you're right.

Susan at Stony River said...

I loved it, from first to last, imagery and message especially. Lovely.

Dianne said...

The last few lines confused me,but the poem held it's own and took me on the trip.

keep writing!

dick said...

I like very much the way in which the poem moves rapidly from the particular to the universal. The structure - a single stanza of short, vocal lines - brings this across most effectively.

Titus said...

I liked it very much, from the very visual opening to the mentally challenging end.

Lyn said...

This is very profound..shows us how far we really have to go..and should be grateful for it..and all in poetry!!

willow said...

Beautiful. Yes, we must change what we do. The theme of enjoying the simple things, much like Weaver's piece today.

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for these comments, everyone. One of the great things about publishing poetry on a blog is the instant response from people who actually read it!

Poetikat said...

On the surface this is just a light, sweet poem about our surroundings, but dig a little deeper and it becomes a philosophical question about our presence in the cosmos. Funny how these things strike us periodically, isn't it?

McGuire said...

Sweet little muse...enjoyed it, nice images and obsevation, with a balanced warning at the end.

For some reason I don't like the word precious, it's too, precious, but that's my only thought.

We have a lot of growing up to do in this here world.


Dominic Rivron said...

Poetikat: It is :)

McGuire: Hm. I did wonder about the Gollumesque overtones - he did overuse that word a tad.