Saturday, 29 August 2009

Two Poems


lined up against a wall

the sky blue
except for the clouds

not far to the top
of the hill

(you can't see
what's on the other side
until you reach it
could be happening there
and we'd not know)


at night
time passes far

fast and
all too soon

sun rises
again and we

on where
we left off

it's the almost

makes it
all worth it

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Totalfeckineejit said...

A curiosity for life well expressed in these brace of poems.It is the almost that keps us going or wondering what's going on over the hill.The second one was my favourite.New days, new beginnings, almost but never the same.Joining in Mon 7pm Dominic?

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for the comment. As for 7pm, I'll have a go!

Poet in Residence said...

I love the surreal quality of the first - the Magritte / Stevens effect if I can call it that. Yes, I'm searching all over for your damned bees.

John Hayes said...

These are both quite good--after a few readings I don't believe I could choose a favorite. I'd agree with Poet in Residence about the first being a bit reminiscent of Stevens--in a good way.

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for these comments JH and PiR.

If you're looking for the bees, they can be found at or very close to SE 079 922 (on a UK O.S. map):)

I didn't mention it, but the second poem is an experiment with hay(na)ku form: 3 lines containing first one, then two, then three words. It seemed an odd idea being nowt to do with stresses or syllables, but turned out to be interesting when I started playing with it!

The Weaver of Grass said...

Hm - that almost gets to me too.
Hope you manage to join TFE's Monday lot.

Niamh B said...

the second was my favourite too I think, but you broke the rule in the second last verse. It has an urgency about it though. Like it alot

Dominic Rivron said...

WG: Yes, I'm planning on joining in TFE's project.

Niamh B: Eh? :) I suppose it depends on whether you think of "it's" as one word or two.

Domestic Oub said...

on where
we left off"

This is my favourite bit. We can recreate everything anew if we wanted, when the sun rises - but invariably, we just continue where we left off... Or am I too pesimistic!

Linda said...

Hello Dominic
How lovely of you to visit me and leave a comment....always glad to meet a fellow fairy light fan. I have enjoyed looking through your blog and you have inspired me to have a go at writing a few lines for my paintings. I am doing SuziBlu's 'Goddess and the Poet' class and should by now be attempting some simple 'poems'(well, just a couple of lines would be nice). I was taken by your lines 'The sky blue except for the clouds' and they got me thinking along the lines of 'I'm happy, except for my sadness'.....'I'm content, apart from the longing'.....
Do you think thats rubbish? I'd be grateful for any advice. Sorry this is a long comment but I could't find an email address on your blog.
Bet you wish you hadn't found me now......

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for these comments!

DO: Not sure if this is a necessarily pessimistic thought.

Linda: Advice? Moi?? :) "The X was Y except for the Z" is an interesting formula. If I wanted to write about happiness and contentment I'd write down what made me happy/content (and what didn't) and explore, come up with a few Xs, Ys and Zs. Mostly things -images- rather than concepts. When I'd done that I'd ask myself which was best. Hope this helps.

This is a bit off the top of my head, but poetry is about turning feelings and ideas into a reality. E.g.,

"I am happy"

could (exploring the reason) become

"today the heron came again"

In other words, I don't think what you suggest is rubbish. I'd try developing it further.

BarbaraS said...

I like these both, but especially the second - those sort of poems can be hard to pull off, but you've done it admirably.

Dominic Rivron said...

Thank you, Barbara.