Sunday, 28 September 2008

Sci-fi Sonnet

Through me, in science fiction, you could fly,
between each sub-atomic particle.
I'd be, well, most like a galaxy,
not like a single, separate article.
Once through, stars on all sides would fall away
(particles in a gas are more spread out),
others would appear as nebulae
which, being human, we'd explore, no doubt.
Seen like this the space that separates
you and I begins to lose its meaning:
we are not the distinct, solid shapes
we see ourselves to be: more like clouds drifting.
Loneliness, then, is not our true condition:
we feel alone by virtue of position.

7 comments:

The Weaver of Grass said...

I think this poem is brilliant - it has inspired me to try and write a sonnet - it will probably do me good to work to a "form" rather than wander aimlessly around in my attempts at poetry.

Rachel Fox said...

Like this a lot. Like the language and the ideas - the whole thing.

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks for these comments. On the question of "form", I personally find exercises (not that I saw this poem as an exercise) in strict forms really useful, even if it's just three or four rhyming lines. They seem to make you work hard to make words do what you want them to do.

dick said...

Clever and effective. This works the form well.

Rachel Fox said...

The last two lines in particular...they're really good.
x

Dominic Rivron said...

Thanks Dick and Rachel. It's nice to get feedback both about the use of the form and about the end, which I think is the 'scariest' bit when you're trying to write a sonnet. I'm sure anyone who has ever tried has thrown plenty of 8-plus line lumps of wreckage into the bin!

Dave King said...

The ideas driving this were compelling. I enjoyed reading it.